Stereotypical Insanity
by Neko Mastermind
Summary: Yaoi, 1x2, 3x4x5, first GW fic; Warnings inside. No summary.
1. Here We Go!

Title: Stereotypical Insanity

Fandom: Gundam Wing

Author: C-Chan

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5

Warnings: This is a **self-insert** fic, so if you don't like them, I suggest you go away.  Also, there is **YAOI, as in….Guys kissing, groping, etc guys.  You don't like that, once again, go away.  So!  Altogether, your warnings are: Self-insert, yaoi, cursing, and of course, humor.**

Notes: This is actually my first GW fic.  And although I would love to write a serious fic one day, this one just wouldn't leave me alone.  This fic doesn't _exactly bash Mary-Sues, but it sure as hell makes fun of them, and the stereotypes used in their fics, as well as some yaoi fics out there.  So!  Sit back, relax, and I hope you enjoy._

Chapter 1 – Here We Go!

The sound of typing and cackling could be heard from the upstairs bedroom, but Bobby ignored it.  He was used to his sister's tendencies to start acting wonky when she stumbled upon "Good!Fic" as she called it.  Shaking his head, the 12-year-old turned up the TV and grumbled to himself.  "Freakin' weirdo..."

Upstairs, however, the cackling stopped abruptly.  Alex Summers smirked as she scrolled through what she had written, murmuring agreements with her favorite parts.

"Boy, how I love this fandom..." She whispered, saving her work.

***

Elsewhere--across to the country to be specific, but we're not worrying about that now--a blonde-haired girl cursed loudly and glared at the screen.  "What's with all these fics lately?!  I've never seen so many stereotypes used in my life!  Gah!"

Sitting back in her chair, Cassie rubbed at her temples.  "Where are all the good stories?  I'm tired of the 'Perfect Soldier' and 'Ranting Dragon' and 'Blabbering Baka'!"

"God, I'm almost afraid to see what new kind of stuff pops up on the site the next time I check," the blonde continued, bringing up another webpage.  She sighed happily.  "Ah, Good!Fic.  Finally, something that doesn't make me twitch..."

***

Elsewhere---not even in the same dimension, technically--A group of five teenage boys converged in a safe house just outside of England, glad to be free of the missions that had taken up the past few months.

"Man, I'm SO glad that's all over!" Duo Maxwell exclaimed as he collapsed on the plush couch in the living room, laying his arm over his eyes.  "Three weeks of peace and quiet!"

"Hn," Heero Yuy grinned.  "It IS nice to not have to worry about missions for a while."  He joined the braided boy on the couch, his grin widening as Duo leaned over to give him a soft kiss.

"Very nice," Duo murmured, smiling and tangling his hands in Heero's unruly hair.

"Maxwell, Yuy, I do hope you're going to perform your 'greetings' somewhere a bit more private," Chang Wufei said from the doorway, a small smirk on his face.  Trowa Barton and Quatre Raberba Winner stood behind him, the former with a raised eyebrow and the latter with a smile on his face.

"Aww, does that mean you don't want to watch, 'Fei?" Duo teased, and Heero snorted.

"I'm honored, but I think I'll pass," Wufei replied dryly, walking past them and to the stairs.  "What I want right now is a nice, long nap."

"A nap WOULD be nice," Quatre said, tugging on Trowa's hand and following the Chinese pilot.

Trowa smirked slightly and followed the blonde obediently.  "After we've finished our 'greetings', of course." He said to the couple before the three pilots disappeared up the stairs.

Duo snickered.  "We know they'll be gone the rest of the day," He said to his lover, turning to grin at him--

--Then yelped as Heero pounced him, straddling his legs and kissing him deeply.  Duo sank into the kiss, his arms coming up to circle Heero's neck.

Duo broke the kiss and grinned up at Heero.  "Greetings," He purred.

"Greetings," Heero replied huskily, then bent down to claim his lips again.

***

Cassie sighed happily again, sitting back in her chair and removing her glasses.  "Ah, I love fics like this.  Not too sappy, not fluffy enough to make you gag, and the right amount of humor." She said softly, rubbing at her eyes.  She turned to glance at the clock on her desk, sighing again.  "And if I want to be coherent enough for class tomorrow, I'd better get in bed."

Glancing back at her screen, she paused; What would a few more hours hurt?  She had class late in the afternoon, and the only reason she was getting up early was to read more of the fic...

"Oh, gee," She said, deadpanned.  "Seeing as that I cannot sleep, I _guess I could continue reading," Breaking off into giggles, she eagerly dove back into the story._

Hours passed, and soon it was nearing 2 in the morning.  Cassie stifled a yawn behind her hand and blearily stared at the screen.  "Five chapters left, maybe *yawn* I should just hold off until later."

~~~

Alex booted up her computer with a long yawn, then opened the word document she had been typing that night.  Re-reading the last few chapters, she smirked.  "Oh Heero, how I love thee.  Let me count the ways..." She said with a dreamy expression, then began to type.

~~~

Heero and Duo laid tangled heap on Duo's bed, cuddling and kissing softly.  Heero raised his hand to brush Duo's soft bangs from his face, a small smile spreading across his face.  "I love you," He said softly, bending down to kiss him.

"Mm.  Love you too," Duo replied, smiling sleepily.  He broke off into a yawn, and Heero chuckled as the braided pilot snuggled close.

Tightening his arms around his lover, Heero let himself drift off to the land of dreams, looking forward to waking up the next morning.

What he didn't know was that in approximately 15 minutes, his, Duo's, and hell--everyone's world was about to turn upside down.

***

Dozing lightly, Cassie popped open one eye as a popup appeared on her screen, advertising some sort of weird spray-on hair for men.  Grumbling, she closed the window and returned to her dozing, hand still resting on the mouse.

Another one popped-up and she absently maneuvered her mouse to click out of it.  Unfortunately, she clicked the picture-link instead, causing her screen to go blue.

Cursing, Cassie came semi-fully awake.  "Aw, man!  Blue Screen of Death!" She wailed, glaring at the screen.  She pushed the mouse back and forth a few times, hoping the screen would go away on its own.

No such luck.

"Yeah, F you too." She muttered, reaching for the magical keys known as "ctrl, alt, and delete".  As her finger hovered over the last button, her screen began to blink.  Rapidly.

"Huh?" She said intelligently, pausing and tilting her head.  Well, that was weird.  She never had a blinking Blue Screen of Death before.  Was it a virus?  

Pursing her lips, Cass uttered a curse and pressed the three buttons simultaneously.  She expected the laptop to shut down like a good little device.  She expected the screen to go black, so she could reboot and run a quick scandisk before returning to her fic.

She wasn't expecting the screen to start blinking faster.

She blanched as a swirling...vortex appeared on her screen, and seemed to pull her towards it...

_Oh, great_. She thought to herself, bracing her hands on the desk.  _This has to be the weirdest dream I've ever had.  No more late nights for me!_

A yelp broke the silence of the room as she was literally _sucked in to her laptop, and the laptop seemed to suck into itself._

Once everything calmed down, the only thing left were Cassie's glasses.

***

"----AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" 

Breaking the silence of the room and jarring the couple awake, they reacted just in time to move from the center of the bed as something flopped onto it.  It bounced right over Duo and onto the floor, resulting with an unhealthy-sounding THUD and a loud "FUCK!"

Duo and Heero blinked at each other, totally unprepared for that.  They peeked over the bed, senses alert as they watched something squirming on the floor.  It was obviously a person, and as their eyes adjusted to the darkness, they recognized the figure as a girl.  A very...colorful girl.

"It's always me, damnit," She was muttering, rubbing her head.  "Fucking karma is always after me, never leaves me the hell alone..."

"Incoming," Heero said softly, reaching over Duo's head to catch a small laptop before it could maim his lover.  Duo glanced up, raised an eyebrow, then looked down at the girl.

Who was still muttering to herself.

"Uhhh..." Duo spoke up, sitting up very slowly and swinging his legs off the bed; he thanked god that he was still dressed.

The girl paused and glanced up.  Eyes narrowing, she asked in a very nasty voice: "Brat, if that's you I'm going to murder you for coming into my room!"

"Brat?!" Duo squeaked, indignant.  He furrowed his brows and climbed to the floor to sit in front of the girl, staring at her with narrow eyes.  "Who the hell are you calling brat?!  And you're in _our room!"_

Taken back, the girl blinked.  "You're not the brat," She stated, then leaned a bit closer as she started to recognize some of Duo's features.

They stared at each other for a few minutes, Heero watching, tense and oddly amused.

They stared some more.

Then, the girl let out an ear-piercing scream, which was quickly followed by a loud yell from the braided-pilot.


	2. Explanations

Title: Stereotypical Insanity

Fandom: Gundam Wing

Author: C-Chan

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5

Warnings: This is a **self-insert** fic, so if you don't like them, I suggest you go away.  Also, there is **YAOI, as in….Guys kissing, groping, etc guys.  You don't like that, once again, go away.  So!  Altogether, your warnings are: Self-insert, yaoi, cursing, and of course, humor.**

Chapter 2 – Explanations

Heero merely snorted as the two screamed, putting the laptop down and crossed his arms.  He could hear the pounding of footsteps in the hallway.

The lights flicked on as Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei bounded into the room, weapons drawn.  "What's going on in here?!" Trowa demanded.

All eyes fell on the girl.  

Cassie looked from boy to boy, growing paler by the minute.  Then she swallowed and managed a little wave. "Uhm, hi?" She said meekly.

"Who are you and what do you want?" Wufei asked, putting the safety back on his gun.

The blonde shakily got to her feet, straightened her T-shirt, and then went back to staring at them.  Her mouth opened and closed a few times, then she snapped it shut.  "Uhhh...."

"Why don't we start off by you telling us why you fell from our ceiling," Heero said, standing up.  He leveled a glare at Cassie, who immediately took a step back.  _And I thought it wasn't as scary as some people described it.  Yikes!_

"Well," She started slowly, glancing around at the boys again.  "I was sitting in front of my laptop reading a fic, then next thing I know I'm breaking up your lovely cuddle moment."

Heero raised an eyebrow.  "Lovely cuddle moment?"

"Uh, yeah.  That's what you two were doing, right?"

"Perhaps."

Cass raised an eyebrow, then shrugged lightly.  "Look, I don't know how I ended up here.  All I know is my computer started acting wonky and I got sucked into a blinking blue vortex, thus, ending up here."

Five pairs of eyes stared at her as if she was insane.  She threw her hands up in the air and glared at them.  "Fine, DON'T believe me!" She huffed.

Quatre stepped forward, smiling a bit hesitantly.  "I'm sorry, but it's not everyday we have women dropping from our ceilings," He joked ("With outrageous stories," Duo muttered under his breath), trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit.  Trowa stepped up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder.  "And usually we think it's...." The blonde trailed off uncertainly.

"OZ?" She finished.

Then blinked as four guns were pointed at her. "ACK!  Hey, put those down!"

"How do you know about OZ?" Trowa asked, eyes narrowed dangerously.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," She muttered, but sighed and crossed her arms.  "Would you believe me if I told you that you guys are pretty popular from where I come from?"

"Wait, you know about us?" Duo asked, curiosity peaked.

The girl nodded, then casually pointed to each pilot.  "You're Duo Maxwell, He's Heero Yuy, Quatre Winner, Trowa Barton, and Chang Wufei."

There was silence for a moment, before Wufei spoke up, obviously still suspicious.  "And who told you all this?"

The girl smiled a bit nervously.  "You wouldn't believe me."

"You said that already.  Explain."

"...You guys are characters from a popular anime."

More silence.  Cassie sighed and rubbed at her temples.  "Okay, you don't have to believe me, but I can assure you I'm not dangerous.  Hell, do I **look like I can beat up a Gundam pilot?"**

The tenseness of the room seemed to go down a bit, and guns were once again put away.  The girl sighed in relief and slumped to the floor, cross-legged.  

"Okay....so," Duo spoke up, eyeing the girl on the floor.  "You were sucked through your computer and ended up here?  How in the hell did that happened?"

Cassie thought for a moment, then pointed to her laptop.  "Can you hand me that?"

Duo handed her the small laptop, then crawled off the bed to sit next to her.  She booted up the computer and logged in, then brought up a saved HTML file.  She turned the laptop towards Duo and pointed to a paragraph.  "I was reading that when my laptop went on the fritz."

Duo's eyes widened gradually as he read the document, then he scrolled up a bit and continued from the beginning.  Everyone watched him curiously as he snickered at something, then gasped.  "Whoa, that happened today!" He exclaimed.

The four remaining pilots huddled around him and read the document.  Cassie sat back and stared at them, finally realizing just who was next to her.

The Gundam Pilots were right there, in the flesh.  She blinked a few times.  "I must be dreaming..."

"What is this anyway?" Wufei asked, squinting at the screen.  "An intelligence report?"

"Fanfiction."

"What?"

"Errrr....a story written based on already existing characters," She explained, rubbing at her eyes.

"...I see." Wufei said slowly, then blushed hotly as he read another paragraph.  Quatre glanced at him, then blushed too as he read it.  Both of Trowa's eyebrows shot up and he stood straight.  "Well." He stated calmly.  "That's...a lot of detail."

"Isn't it?" Cassie chirped, then blushed hotly.  She once again found herself being stared at by the five boys.

"...You read this stuff?" Duo asked.

"Uh, yes?"

"What, are you some kind of pervert?"

"HEY!"

"Alright, calm down." Quatre intervened, laying a hand on Cassie's and Duo's shoulders.  "We can have plenty of time to talk about this in the morning."  

"Q's right," Duo nodded, and the boys agreed.

"So...what's going to happen to me?" Cassie asked, blinking a few times.

"You're going to find an empty room and get some sleep before you fall over," Trowa said with a small smirk, noting the dark circles under her eyes and the way she was swaying ever so slightly.

"Okay." She said, getting to her feet and picking up her laptop.  "Sorry I *yawn* scared the crap outta you guys."

"Don't worry about that now," Quatre said with a smile, leading her out of the room.  "Get some rest, and we'll continue in the morning." 

"*yawn* Yessir." Cassie replied absently, hugging her laptop to her chest.  "Goodnight, guys."

"Goodnight....errrr, we never did get your name." Duo said, standing up.

"Cassandra, Cassie, whatever you wanna use," She said over her shoulder with a sleepy smile.  "Call me what ya want."

"Gotcha," Duo nodded.  "G'night, Cass."

"Night!" She yawned, then acked as Quatre pulled her out of the room.

The remaining boys glanced at each other.  "So..." Wufei said, raising an eyebrow.

"In the morning, Wufei." Trowa said softly, wrapping his arm around his shoulder and leading him out of the room.  "Goodnight, Heero, Duo."

"Night, Tro, 'Fei," Duo replied, already climbing into bed.  

Heero shut off the light and closed the door, then crawled up next to him, wrapping his arms around the braided boy.

"So, whaddaya think about all this?" Duo asked softly, cuddling close.

"Not sure," Heero replied softly, closing his eyes.  "I'll think about it more in the morning."

"Ditto. *yawn*  G'night, love."

"Goodnight, Duo."

***

Cassie came awake with a jerk, sitting up straight and blinking rapidly.  "Wow, what a dream." She said, scratching her head.  She glanced around the room--

--and froze.

"Okay, so it wasn't a dream," She said, shocked as she climbed out of bed.  She walked over to the mirror hanging from the wall and stared at herself.

"I can't believe it wasn't a dream," She murmured to herself as she fixed her hair, then straightened her clothes.  She scowled at them and made a note to ask the boys if they had any spare clothes she could borrow.

"Well, I'm about as presentable as I'll ever be," She grumbled as she stalked out of the room and down the stairs.  

~~~~~~

Everyone glanced up as Cassie stumbled into the kitchen.  Cassie stared at them for a moment, then sat down at an empty seat, folding her hands in her lap.  "Morning." She said softly.

She smiled slightly as they all returned the greeting, glad that they didn't seem to be as suspicious as last night.  

They were silent for a good while as everyone drank coffee, and she politely declined when Quatre offered her a cup.

Finally, Heero spoke up.  "Alright, I want to know everything." He said, tone hard.  Cassie cringed and opened one eye to look at him. 

"Everything?" 

"Yes."

So, Cassie proceeded to explain everything she could.  A recap of what happened last night, the anime that she had been talking about, fanfiction and most of the types she knew of, etc, even Yaoi (Which resulted in a few sputtered exclamations and lots of blushing on mostly everyone's part).

When she was done, she watched them, then glanced down at her hands.

"I...think I get it now." Duo said, folding his hands behind his head.  "It sounds like one of those freaky self-insertion fics you mentioned."

Cassie groaned and rubbed her temples.  "Some of those fics are done tastefully enough that they're great to read for a laugh, but others..." She shuddered and shook her head.  

"We can let you stay here until you find a way home," Quatre said, smiling.  "Since it's obvious you have nowhere else to go."

"Really?  You mean it?" Cassie asked, hope sparkling in her eyes.

"If you can stand living in a house full of guys." Duo grinned.

Cassie grinned back.  "I think I can handle it," She replied.  "As long as you can stand living with a girl."

"Just don't go 'fangirl' on us," Trowa smirked, referring to one of her explanations about the different types of fangirls.

"No problem!" Cassie said cheerfully.  "I like to consider myself the saner and less rabid forms of fangirl out there," She snickered as the boys all raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well, now that that's over," Duo said, leaning forward eagerly.  "What's for breakfast?"

~~~~

After a nice, long shower, Cassie emerged from the bathroom and headed to Duo's room.  She poked her head in and smiled at the braided boy.  "Hey, thanks for loaning me some clothes."

Duo smiled back and walked out of the room to join her.  "No problem.  Just hope they're comfortable,"

Cassie shrugged and headed down the hallway, Duo next to her.  "I'm not one to complain about things like clothes, if you happened to notice what I was wearing last night," She explained, tugging at the black shirt she was wearing and grinning.  "But they ARE comfortable."

Duo chuckled and followed her into 'her' room, where she tossed her dirty clothes on the bed next to her laptop.  "You guys wouldn't happen to have a phone plug around here, would you?" She asked hopefully.

"Uhh...no.  Why do you need one of those?" Duo asked, raising both eyebrows.

"To plug in my laptop.  I have a crappy connection, and it needs a phone plug to work," She glared at the offending laptop a moment, then shrugged at Duo.  "I'm slow on the times.  Everyone uses cable and T1s to connect now."

"I see," The braided pilot said, then flopped on her bed.  "Maybe we can do some modifications so you can access the stuff here, using errrr...our technology."

"Really?  Alright!" Cass cheered, giving Duo a hug.  "I can show you guys some of the stuff I was talking about."

"I think what you showed us last night is enough," He said dryly, then grinned.  "Although I AM interested in some of those stories you mentioned about me and Heero..."

Cassie grinned back.  "Once I'm up and running, I'll see if I can find some of the *good* ones.  The rest....well, I told you about the uh, different pairings, right?"

Duo narrowed his eyes, and Cassie laughed nervously.  "WHAT other pairings?"

"Well, you see…"

One explanation later…

"THEY PAIR ME WITH WHO?!"


	3. It Begins

Title: Stereotypical Insanity

Fandom: Gundam Wing

Author: C-Chan

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5

Warnings: This is a **self-insert** fic, so if you don't like them, I suggest you go away.  Also, there is **YAOI, as in….Guys kissing, groping, etc guys.  You don't like that, once again, go away.  So!  Altogether, your warnings are: Self-insert, yaoi, cursing, and of course, humor.**

Chapter 3 – It Begins

"THEY PAIR ME WITH WHO?!"

"Don't look at **me** like that!  I just read them!"

Wufei raised an eyebrow at the yelling coming from the girl's room.  He poked his head in.  "What are you two doing?"

"Wu-man, you wouldn't believe what I just heard," Duo groaned, laying back on the bed and covering his eyes.  Cassie scratched the back of her head, smiling nervously at Wufei.

"Did you know some of those…fangirls like to pair **us together?" Duo asked, peeking out between his fingers at the Chinese pilot.**

Wufei blinked a couple of times.  He leveled a look at the blonde.  "Care to explain?"

"Well…some people don't see Duo and Heero getting together," She started to explain, crossing her arms.  "They'd rather pair Duo with you, Wufei, or pair Heero with Relena." She shuddered.  "But the most popular pairings are Heero and Duo, and Trowa and Quatre, since….well, I don't know why, but that's how it is." She nodded and smiled.

"Dare I ask who _I_ get paired with?" Wufei said cautiously.

"Hmm…well, it's usually either Zechs, Treize, both of them, Quatre and Trowa, or Duo."  She said, then snickered at the look on Wufei's face.  "If there are any others, I haven't come across them yet."

"Hmph." Wufei crossed his arms.  "That's ridiculous."

Cassie shrugged.  "That's how it is."  Then a thought hit her and she eyed the 05 pilot.  "So…who _are _you with?"

Wufei raised an eyebrow. "Why do you want to know?"  
  


"Fangirl curiosity?"

Duo snickered and sat up.  "He's with Tro and Q."  He answered for Wufei, who just glared at him.

Cassie grinned.  "Aww, that's so cute." She cooed.

"Shut up," Wufei grumbled, blushing slightly and stalking out of the room.  Duo grinned and turned to Cass.  "He hates being called cute."  
  


"So I saw," She said dryly, then grinned.  "Well, I think you know as much as I do now about the pairings and fanfiction."  
  


"Good," Duo replied, hopping to his feet.  "I don't think it can get any worse."  
  


"Oh yes it can," Cassie muttered, then smiled innocently as Duo raised an eyebrow.

"Dare I ask how?"

"Trust me—you don't want to know."

***

"Hmmm…"

"Hnnn…"

"Uhhh…"

"…Darnit!"

Alex whined as she slammed her mouse down.  "I can't think of what to write next!" 

Taking her away message down, she was automatically instant messaged by her friend, Megan.

**xblondhunniexo****: hey, hows it goin?**

**Alexoxoxo34:** not good.  i cant think wut to rite next

**xblondhunniexo****:  o, on yer fic?**

**Alexoxoxo34:** yeah. did you u kno how hard it is to write trowa?

**xblondehunniexo****: yeah.  hey, theres a good site u can use if you want.  it gives some good desc of the chars**

**Alexoxoxo34:** oh, thnx! J  u dun know how much i appreciate it

**xoblondehunniexo****: no prob**

Alex smiled as she explored the site.  "This will work perfectly," She murmured, then turned back to the window blinking.

**Alexoxoxo34:** this works great! thnx again

**xoblondehunniexo****: thats the same site i used.  no prob**

Now geared with the information she needed, Alex put her away message back up and continued with her story.

***

"Got any sevens?"

"Hmm…go fish."

"Damn."

"Hey, got any kings?"  
  
Grumble.

"Alright.  Tro, got any ones?"  
  
"Nope.  Go fish."

Duo picked a card from the pile, eyed it for a moment, then put it into his hand.  Cassie eyed him over her own hand, then switched her eyes to Trowa and Wufei.

"Hmmm…." She said, going over her cars.  "…Wufei, got any sixes?"

The Chinese pilot smirked.  "Go fish."

Heero walked in and raised an eyebrow at the card game.  "What are you doing?"

"Playing 'Go Fish'," Duo replied, smiling at him.  "Wanna play?"  
  
Heero took a seat next to him.  "I thought that was a child's game."

"It is," Trowa nodded, shrugging.  "But Wufei and Cassie don't know how to play Poker—"

"You COULD just teach me…" Cassie grumbled under her breath.

"—and we don't have anything to use as money." The banged pilot finished.

"There's M&M's in here," Quatre called from the kitchen.  "You could use those if you want."

"It isn't fun with out money," Duo sighed, then grinned.  "Unless you guys wanna play 'Strip Poker'."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?" Wufei muttered as Cassie practically bounced in her chair, nodding vigorously.  She wasn't about to miss out on a chance to see her five favorite bishounen naked!

Hey, she was still a fangirl.

"No 'Strip Poker'," Quatre said as he took his spot at the table.  "Remember what happened the last time we played that, Duo?"

Duo grinned evilly.  "Yep, I do."  Heero smirked at him from across the table and Quatre just shook his head.

"We could play 'Bullshit'," Cassie suggested; then blinked as the boys all turned to look at her, eyebrows raised; obviously they forgot how colorful she could be.  "What?  It's a card game."

She picked up the cards and took everyone's cards, then began to shuffle.  "Here's how you play:  I deal out the entire pack to everyone, and your job is to get rid of all the cards in your hand.  We start with the person who gets the two of clubs, I think, and that person has to put down all the twos in their hand.  It moves to the next person, they put down all their threes, and so on.  If you don't have the cards to put down, or are feeling sneaky, you can put down another card and try to pass it off as the right card.  But if someone knows your faking or has all the cards for that number in their hands, they call "Bullshit!" and you have to take the entire pile.  Person without any cards wins."

"Sounds simple enough," Wufei said.  "I'll play."  
  
"Me too!" Duo said, taking the cards as Cassie passed them out.

And so, they played 'Bullshit'.

**Two hours later…**

"Bullshit!" Quatre exclaimed as Wufei put his cards down.

The 05 pilot cursed and picked up the pile, then leveled a glare at Quatre.  "Looks like you're getting the hang of it."

Quatre shrugged.  "You don't have a very good poker face, Wufei."

"But we're not playing poker!"

Cassie and Duo snickered and watched Heero put down his cards.  "3 aces." He said, stone-faced.

Trowa, with a similar expression, put down two cards.  "Two twos."

Duo grinned and slapped down four cards.  "FOUR threes!"  

"Bullshit!" Cassie and Quatre called at the same time.

"DAMNIT!" Duo picked up the pile.

Cassie grinned and put down her cards.  "Four fours."

"Bullshit!" Duo yelled.

"Go ahead and check, dear." 

"….damnit!  Quatre, your turn."

"One five."

"Bullshit!"  
  
"Nope."  
  


"Aw, damnit again!"

***

Duo placed Cassie's laptop down on the bed, then grinned triumphantly.  "There, you're all set up!"  
  
Cassie opened the laptop and smiled brightly.  "Duo, have I ever told you I love you?"  She asked, logging on.  "…Not the same way you and Heero love each other, of course."  
  


"About five times already," He laughed.  "I'm heading to bed.  Don't get into too much trouble."

"Oh, I won't." She grinned.  "G'night Duo.  Have fun with Hee—I mean, sweet dreams."

"Ha-ha," Duo deadpanned, then chuckled.  "See ya in the morning."

Cassie watched him close the door, then turned back her laptop and hopped on the net.  "Let's see what still works…"

***

"Where's Wufei?" Quatre asked, coming into the bedroom he shared with the Chinese pilot and Trowa.

Trowa glanced over his shoulder, then smiled and tugged off his shirt.  "He's downstairs reading," The 03 pilot explained.  "He wasn't tired yet."

"I see," Quatre smiled, closing the door behind him.  He waltzed over to the taller boy and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

Trowa chuckled and pulled the blonde closer.  "I take it you're not tired either?"  
  
"Not really," Quatre smirked slightly, nuzzling his neck.

"I guess I'll have to tire you out," Trowa countered, the pushed Quatre to the bed.

~~~

"Uhh…"  
  
"Oh, Trowa…"

"Quatre…"

Cassie looked up and towards her door as the sounds floated into her room.  She blushed slightly and got up to close the door.  "As much as I like to read it, I don't need to hear it." She said, then returned to her bed.

---

**The Next Morning:**

Duo knew the moment he entered the kitchen something was wrong.  The first clue was everyone was nervously playing around with their coffee mugs, the newspaper, or their hands.

The second clue was how everyone was keeping their distance from a very unhappy Quatre.

Duo decided to risk it and plopped down in the seat next to him.  "Good morning!" He chirped, reaching to pour himself some coffee.

"What's so good about it," the blonde muttered, glowering at his own coffee.  Duo blinked and looked over at Wufei, who shrugged.  Cassie simply sat there and stared.

"Quat, what's wrong?  Bad night?" Duo asked cautiously.

Quatre muttered again, too low for anyone to actually hear, but he could distinctly hear the words "little one" said with nothing less than bitterness.

"'Little one'?" Cassie asked, raising an eyebrow.  That sounded familiar…

"Yes!" Quatre said, exasperated.  "Out of nowhere in the middle of…*cough*…he calls me that!"

Duo blinked, and Wufei raised an eyebrow.

"I'm NOT little!" Quatre continued, waving his hands for emphasis.  "Do I _look little?!  Damnit, I'm taller than you, Wufei!  Why didn't he call YOU that?!"_

Cassie sat back in her chair and muttered something.  

"What was that?" Quatre asked, calming down a slight bit.

"Stereotypes," She said a bit louder as her brow furrowed.  "He sounds like his stereotypical fanfiction self."

"Huh?" Everyone replied intelligently.

Cassie sighed and sat up straight, then rubbed at her temple.  "In some fanfiction, there are…stereotypes for you guys.  Ways some fans think you act no matter what.  For example!"  She pointed at Quatre.  "One of your stereotypes is that you are weak and helpless, despite the fact you're a Gundam pilot."

Cutting off Quatre before he could start protesting, she pointed at Wufei.  "Your stereotype is that you're an egotistical asshole who rants about justice and 'weak onnas' 24/7.  And Duo's stereotype is that he's a blabbering idiot who talks all the time."

"THAT'S not far from the truth," Wufei glowered, arms crossed and slumped in his seat.  He didn't like the sound of his stereotype, obviously.

"Oi!" Duo yelled.  "I do NOT talk all the time!"

"Only when you're awake."  
  


"'I'm so going to get you back for that one—"

"Calm DOWN!" Quatre yelled, slamming his hands on the table.  Everyone stopped what they were doing and look at him, blinking.  "Thank you," he said after he had everyone's attention.

"Did Trowa….ever act like this before?" Cass asked quietly, still rubbing her temple.  "I mean, it doesn't seem like he thinks of you like that…"  
  
"No, that was the first time." Quatre replied, sighing.  "And now he won't say anything to me….well, that's not EXACTLY true…"

Cassie had a bad feeling.  "Stop right there before I start freaking out.  This is seriously very very weird."  She stood up and smiled slightly at Quatre.  "I'll go talk to him and knock some sense into him."  _Literally, if needed. She added silently._


	4. Forgetfulness

Title: Stereotypical Insanity

Fandom: Gundam Wing

Author: C-Chan

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5

Warnings: This is a **self-insert** fic, so if you don't like them, I suggest you go away.  Also, there is **YAOI, as in….Guys kissing, groping, etc guys.  You don't like that, once again, go away.  So!  Altogether, your warnings are: Self-insert, yaoi, cursing, and of course, humor.**

Chapter 4 - Forgetfulness

Before waiting for an answer the blonde girl turned on her heels and stalked up the stairs, straight to Trowa's room.  The banged pilot was sitting on his bed, reading.

"Hey Trowa!" Cassie chirped, entering the room and plopping on his bed.  "What's up?"

He glanced up at her and smiled slightly, then went back to his book.  Cass' eye twitched.

"Whatcha reading?" She asked, leaning forward to try to read the title.

"…" Was her response. 

"Wow, descriptive."

He held up the book a bit so she could read the title, then lowered it back down to its former position.

"Is it any good?"

"…"

"Wow, Trowa!  Don't give too much away!"   
  
A small smirk.

"…"

"…"

"…c'mere." Cassie said, beckoning Trowa closer with her finger.

Trowa leaned forward, eyebrows raised.

Cass proceeded to slap him upside the head. 

 "Ow!" He yelped, immediately pulling away and frowning.

"Quit that!  God gave you vocal cords to talk!" She yelled, crossing her arms and glaring.  

Trowa blinked a few times, then raised an eyebrow.  "Was that really necessary?" He asked, pouting slightly.

"Yes," Cassie snapped.  "You're making me all twitchy."

Trowa's eyebrow went up a bit further.  "What did I do?"  
  


"Long story, short—you're acting weird.  I might not know you personally, but I DO know you don't mysteriously go quiet like this and come up with stupid nicknames like "little one".  I suggest you go downstairs and apologize to Quatre before he flips out again." She explained, her tone firm.

Trowa blinked, then…"I called him what?!"

"Exactly!"

"He's far from little," Trowa muttered to himself, and Cassie couldn't help but grin.  "I don't even remember doing that."  
  
It was Cassie's turn to blink.  "You don't?"

"Not…really.  I remember last night, and then it becomes a blur…." Trowa explained slowly.  
  


"That's just great," Cass said with a grimace.  "Juuuuust wonderful."

"I'm sorry?" Trowa said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Cass waved her hand at him.  "No, no…it's not your fault, I think.  It's just…scary."

"Scary." Trowa repeated flatly.

"Yeah…"  Cass nodded, then proceeded to explain the stereotypes to him.

"Quatre is not little," He muttered again.  "Or weak, or innocent…"

"That's my point," Cassie said.  "But it seems some fangirls don't seem to get that.  I'd like to slap the people who started it," She mumbled.

"I think I better go apologize to Quatre," Trowa said, marking his place in the book and standing up.

Cassie stood up too, smiling.  "Good idea.  I'm going to check something on my laptop, so I'll be down in a few minutes."

The two separated at the doorway, and Cassie nearly ran to her room.  i_That fic has to have something to do with it!/i  She thought, logging in and bringing up the file._

She scanned the fic until she found where she left off, then started reading….

"HOLY SHIT!"

***

Everyone glanced towards the doorway as they heard the loud exclamation.

"Was that…?" Quatre started.

"Who else here has such…colorful language?" Wufei retorted, both eyebrows shooting up at a particular nasty round of curses.

"Impressive." Duo muttered.

Trowa appeared in the doorway, head turned to look up the stairs.  He glanced back at the others at the table.

"What did you say to her?" Duo asked.

"i_I/i didn't say anything," Trowa responded, stepping in and heading towards Quatre; the blonde quickly picked up the paper and acted as if he didn't notice.  :"She said she wanted to look up something for coming back downstairs."_

They all listened as the cursing switched from English to Japanese.

Heero, who had been on his way into the kitchen, paused and glanced up the stairs.  He blinked a few times, then turned to the rest of the boys. "What—"

"We don't know." Duo sighed, leaning back in his chair.

"Maybe one of us should go check on her?" Wufei suggested.

They all stared at him.  "What?!"

"'Fei, don't you know you should NEVER mess with a girl when she's pissed?" Duo scolded, waving his finger.  "She'll bite your head off!"

"Honestly, she can't be that dangerous."  
  
Everyone paused to listen again.

"…or maybe we should just wait until she calms down and comes downstairs on her own."

~~~

"Noooooooo!" Alex wailed dramatically, slumping over her keyboard.  "Writer's block!" 

"Shut up!" A muffled voice replied from downstairs, followed by a door slamming.

"Bite me, Bobby!" She retorted, scowling at her open door.  "Jerk."

"Alexandria," Her mother appeared in the doorway, clutching her robe around her neck and shoulders.  "I think its bedtime."

"Aww, but Mama!" She whined, whirling all the way around and giving the woman her patented "Puppy-dog" look; known to be successful against dissuading parents when it came to bedtimes and other things.

"Nice try with the look, but no.  Bedtime, young lady!  You have school in the morning!" And with that, her mother disappeared down the hallway.

"This bites," She mumbled, pouting as she turned to log off her computer.  "Maybe I'll get some ideas at school tomorrow."

~~~

Cass emerged from the stairs after about an hour; the loud cursing had stopped 20 minutes in, but as Duo had gone by the stairs to investigate, he could distinctly hear her colorful language filtering down the hallway from her room. 

She blinked as she entered the empty kitchen.  "Where is everyone?" She wondered, back-stepping out and heading towards the living room; empty.

"Guys?" She called, slowly wandering around the first floor.  They weren't there, either.

Stepping outside and onto a small porch, she wrapped her arms around herself as the wind blew past.  It must have been mid-October here; the trees were starting to thin as leaves browned and fell, littering the ground.  "Guys?"

She briefly wondered where the Gundams were hidden as she stepped further out on the porch.  There was a forest a few hundred feet behind the house with large, rocky mountains looming over it; the sun was directly behind it, peeking over the tops.

"Wow," She breathed, leaning on the railing in front of her.  "It's so beautiful…"

"Isn't it?" Someone said behind her.

Cassie screamed and whirled around, fists raised in a defense position.  Wufei chuckled and waved his hands placatingly.  "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

"It's okay," Cass replied, lowering her fists and smiling.  "Where is everyone?"

"Maxwell and Yuy went into town for supplies," He replied, stepping up next to her to lean on the railing.  "And Trowa and Quatre are…making up, so to speak."

"And you're not making up with them?" Cassie replied—then immediately slapped her hands over her mouth.  i_Bad girl!  No cookie!i_

Wufei blushed and turned slightly.  "I uhh…just left them." He admitted.

Cassie couldn't help but snicker, then softened and look back at the surroundings.  "So exactly where are we in the world?"

"Colorado, USA."

"No wonder it's so cold!"

"Not used to the cold?" Wufei teased.

"Let me put it this way:  Back home, it was 80 degrees.  Here, it's got to be at least 50!" Cassie explained, wrapping her arms around herself again tightly.  "We aren't due for cold weather for another month."

"I see.  Then you should get inside before you catch a cold." The Chinese pilot replied, eyeing her T-shirt.

Cass snorted.  "And miss out on admiring the Colorado Mountains?  Yeah right." She replied, turning back to the forest.  "I've never seen it before, so I'll risk getting sick."

Wufei shrugged and headed back towards the door.  "If you say so.  Quatre says dinner's at 6, so don't go wandering off if you expect to eat," He explained, stepping inside.  He paused and turned around.  "…and don't go wandering in the rooms upstairs, either."

Cassie whirled around and glared at him.  "What's THAT supposed to mean?"

Wufei smirked.  "You seem to enjoy your 'fanfiction' a lot, by the looks of the one you let us read the night you appeared, and how well you explained it afterwards.  How do we know you aren't going to spy on us?"

"Reading it and seeing it are two different things," Cassie said dryly, eyes narrowed.

Wufei chuckled.  "I was joking.  See you at dinner," And with that, he disappeared into the house.

Cassie shook her head and laughed lightly, then turned back to the view.

"….wasn't I looking for them for a reason?"  She thought aloud suddenly, blinking.

"…aww, crap!"


	5. Suspicious

Title: Stereotypical Insanity

Fandom: Gundam Wing

Author: C-Chan

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5

Warnings: This is a **self-insert** fic, so if you don't like them, I suggest you go away.  Also, there is **YAOI, as in….Guys kissing, groping, etc guys.  You don't like that, once again, go away.  So!  Altogether, your warnings are: Self-insert, yaoi, cursing, and of course, humor.**

Chapter 3 – Suspicious

"Idea idea idea idea idea idea…" Alex chanted as she burst into her room, tossing her backpack on the bed and booting up her computer.

Not bothering with the internet for now, the young writer opened up the word document she had been working on for weeks and began typing.  Ooooh, why didn't she think of this before?!

~~~

Despite Wufei's warning, Cass couldn't but wander the grounds a bit.  She'd run inside first to grab whoever's jacket, calling up the stairs to let the three know she was going for a walk.  She doubted they had heard her, but oh well.

She had started towards the forest first, seeing a small path leading deeper in.  She followed it slowly, admiring the beauty around her and the sounds of nature; there were hardly any places where she lived that were just so…_peaceful, so tranquil.  _

She was surprised when the forest opened up into a large clearing with a huge building near the center; no, large wouldn't have been an accurate description for the area in front of her.

"Holy…" She whispered, taking a few steps forward.  It looked like a huge warehouse, a place where large shipments could be held with room to spare…

…or a place to hide mobile suits.

"No way," Cassie said, walking up to the doors and placing her hand on it.  It WAS an ideal place to store them, she noted.  The forest she had been walking through spread around the building and continued after it, and the trees were high enough that the only way someone could notice it was if they walked back here themselves or were flying over-head.

_It would be so cool to see the Gundams!_  She squealed mentally, stepping closer to the building.  _Pictures and descriptions don't have anything against the real thing, no matter how detailed!_

_But I'm pretty sure they've got this place booby-trapped up the wazoo,_ she thought, glancing at the smaller door to her left.  _And I'm THAT dumb that I'd let my curiosity get the better of me and go looking around._

Sometimes she hated when common sense hopped in.

With a resigned sigh she turned back towards the path, determined that sometime soon, she'd get one of them to bring her out here and let her see them.

She paused when she heard the door open and shut behind her.

_Okay…what was that?_ She asked herself, turning around again.  She hadn't seen anyone out here, and the boys were occupied with whatever right now…

_Maybe…it was an animal?  Or the wind?_

_Or OZ._

Curiosity perked once again, she returned to the front of the building, carefully and quietly opening the door to peek in.  A mantra started softly in the back of her head:  _Idiot, you're going to die!  __Idiot idiot idiot idiot…_

It was dark inside, but as her eyes adjusted she could clearly see five distinct shapes in the warehouse, along with a few vehicles.

And the figure of someone looking over one of them.

Gulping and taking a few steps forward, she purposely made her steps louder than normal; hoping that it was just some hapless person who lived nearby whose curiosity was as bad as hers.

When she got close enough, the person whirled around and screamed.

"Who are you?" She asked; she gave herself a mental pat on the back that her voice didn't crack.

Now that she was closer, she could see it was a girl, somewhat taller than herself, but much younger.  She seemed frightened that she had been caught; something Cassie planned to use to her advantage.

"Who are you?" The girl countered, and Cass repressed a groan.

"I asked you first."  
  
"…Amy."

"Okay Amy, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Uhm…I lost my puppy?"

Cassie face-faulted and stared at the girl.  _WHAT kind of excuse is that?!  "Bull.  What are you doing here?"_

"Fine!  I was wandering in the forest and found this place and wanted to look around, okay?!  And what the heck are YOU doing here?"

As Cass opened her mouth, a smart-ass reply on her lips, the door opened again and the lights flashed on, startling both girls.  Cass whirled around and blinked at the site of Duo and Heero standing there, guns drawn.

"Cassie?" Duo lowered his gun slightly, a slightly shocked expression on his face.  Heero, on the other hand, kept his gun trained on the girl.

Eyeing Amy, Cassie slowly made her way to stand next to the pilots.  "What are you doing in here?" Duo asked, blinking down at her.

"Who are you?" Heero demanded, tone clipped and cold as he interrupted any reply Cassie would have had; Amy stumbled a few steps back, then shook her head.  "I…"   She stopped and swallowed hard.  
  
"She said her name was Amy," Cass finished when it didn't seem as if the girl was going to answer.  Amy glanced at her, then back to the Wing pilot.

"Perhaps we should take this outside?" Duo said slowly, glancing at Heero, Amy, then back at Heero.  Heero calmed slightly, then nodded and motioned with his gun to the door, eyes still trained on the girl.  "You first."

Amy cautiously walked past them and out the door, quickly followed by Heero, Duo, and finally Cassie.  Duo stepped back to close the door behind them, then joined the small group once again as Heero began speaking.  "What were you doing in there?"  
  
"I can explain, really!"  Amy exclaimed, waving her hands around.  "I only wanted to know why a huge place like this was in the middle of nowhere.  I didn't think it…" She trailed off, uncertain on what words to use.  As she saw it, she was in deep shit no matter how she tried to explain.

"It was obvious you weren't thinking," Cassie muttered, then yelped as Duo elbowed her and told her to be quiet.

"What's going to happen to me?" The girl asked softly, looking much younger and frightened.  She had the classic "Deer-caught-in-the-headlights" look, and Cassie couldn't help but feel sorry for her.  Heero had his death-glare turned up all the way, and it was pointed directly at her.

Cassie turned to give the girl a good look, now that they were outside.  She WAS taller than her, by more than she thought, considering she was wearing those tacky foam-heeled shoes she say many of the teenagers from her neighborhood wearing.  Her black pants flared at the bottom, decorated with embroidered butterflies and flowers, trailing up the sides of the leg to the hips.  Her white shirt matched, and despite her story of "wandering around", her clothes didn't have a spot on them; Cass was suddenly reminded of her sister, and didn't like that at all.  Something was fishy…

Heero lowered his gun and clicked the safety on, then returned it to the holster on his lower back.  "Get out of here," he growled.

Amy wasted no time and scrambled back into the woods, not even looking back.  Duo watched with wide eyes, then turned to Heero.  "Why the hell did you let her go?  She could have been an Ozzie!"

"If she worked for OZ, she would have had more control over her emotions and body language," Heero replied softly, staring in the direction the girl had fled.  "And if she was dangerous, she would have tried something already."

Duo nodded slowly, seeming to accept the explanation, and returned his own gun its holster.  "Can we head back then?  I'm starved!"  
  
"Hey, wait!" Cassie exclaimed, stopping the two in their tracks.  "How did you guys know we were out here in the first place?"  
  
"There's an alarm set up that will go off and send a signal to the house if anyone goes in without entering a pass code first," Duo replied, grinning slightly.

"Oh," Cassie replied dumbly.  That made sense.

"You should know that!" Duo continued, mock-scolding her.  "You supposedly know all about us, yet you think we'd just leave our Gundams out in the middle of nowhere without any sort of protection?  What kind of fan are you?!"

Cassie sputtered and glared.  "I never claimed to know everything about you!"

Duo chuckled and started back towards the path, Heero in tow.  Cass huffed and followed after them.

Anything Cassie would have wanted to tell them was forgotten as they got into the house to eat dinner.

**A Few Days Later**

Duo, Quatre, and Cassie found themselves in the attic that afternoon, sorting through numerous boxes and trunks in search of something.

This something?  Girls clothes.

"I can't keep borrowing yours," Cassie had insisted earlier to them.  "And I don't want to blow your cover by leaving this place and heading into town."

"And," She continued before they could argue.  "It'll give us something to do to cover the boredom issue."

The boredom issue had started that morning.  Last minute, Heero and Trowa had received a mission, despite their "vacation"; Infiltrate an OZ base 100 miles south and gather some information on some of the newer mobile suits being developed.  Both boys promised to be back by the end of the week.

_And I can't let them mope around!_  Cass thought to herself, glancing up from the box she was sorting through and over to the two boys.  _Although Wufei had to be stubborn and run off somewhere…"Find anything?"_

"A couple of T-shirts, but not much else," Duo muttered, then sneezed as dust flew up from the box he was opening.

I know we have spare clothes SOMEWHERE…"  Frowning thoughtfully, Quatre moved away from the window and to the corner of the attic where a few boxes remained untouched.

Cassie sneezed, cursed, and stood up.  "Man, there's so much dust in here!" She moved towards the window and opened it, letting in the crisp, autumn breeze.  "This place needs some serious—HOLY!  PLEASE tell me that is NOT who I think it is!"

Both boys glanced up.  "What?"

"…look out the window." She said very quietly, stepping away and waving at it.

Duo and Quatre scrambled over and looked out the window.  Conveniently, it gave a great view of the front of the house, as well as the road that lead up to it.

And coming up that road was a solitary limousine.

A **pink** limousine.

Duo groaned.  "Aww, we don't need this now!  We're on vacation, damnit!"

"Now Duo," Quatre scolded gently.  "I'm sure Miss Relena has a reason to be visiting us."

"The only reason that…that….that pink TERROR would come to visit you guys is to stalk Heero!" Cassie sputtered, moving away from the window.  Duo's snicker was barely heard as she continued.  "She's SCARY!  Anyone who doesn't seem to understand the words "I'll kill you" is a certified nut!"

"She's got a point, ya know." Duo grinned, and Quatre sighed.

"Alright, what do you suppose we do?  Ignore her?"

"Oh no," Cassie said, straightening her shoulders and grinning evilly.  "Let **me deal with her."  
  
"But you just said she scares you." Duo pointed out.**

"Eh, I'll deal.  She may be scary, but she's still a little girl.  And I **am** older, so I have to be even scarier!"  She replied, a determined gleam in her eyes.

"….huh?" Both boys replied.

"Don't worry, it makes sense once you think about it," Cassie said cheerfully, heading out of the attic.

Duo and Quatre paused to think about it, then turned to look at each other.

"It still doesn't make sense."  
  


"Should we go watch or wait here?"  
  


"And miss a chance to see the princess put in her place?  No way!"  
  
They both scrambled for the doorway.


	6. Pink and Peanut Butter

Title: Stereotypical Insanity

Fandom: Gundam Wing

Author: C-Chan

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5

Warnings: This is a **self-insert** fic, so if you don't like them, I suggest you go away.  Also, there is **YAOI, as in….Guys kissing, groping, etc guys.  You don't like that, once again, go away.  So!  Altogether, your warnings are: Self-insert, yaoi, cursing, and of course, humor.**

Chapter 6 – Pink and Peanut Butter

Relena Darlian-Peacecraft glanced up as the door opened, putting a bright smile on her face. "Hello Hee—"

She cut off when she saw it was not Heero, but a girl a few inches shorter than herself, wearing a T-shirt and a pair of torn jeans.

Cassie smiled pleasantly.  "Hello.  Can I help you?"

"It's you!"

Cassie blinked—and noticed the **other person standing in front of the door.  "Amy?!"**

Relena looked at both girls, both eyebrows raised.  "You two know each other?"  
  


"N-Not exactly, Miss Relena," Amy said with a nervous smile.  "This is the girl I told you about, remember?  Who I saw with the boy you're looking for?"  
  
"Oh yes!" Relena said, her smile returning.   She extended her hand to Cassie.  "My name is Relena Peacecraft, by the way.  It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise," Cassie said, shaking the princess' hand.  "I'm Cassandra."

"Perhaps you can help us," Relena continued, folding her hands primly in front of her.  "I'm looking for a boy named Heero Yuy, who is supposedly staying here for the next week or so."

Cassie eyed Amy, then shrugged.  "No clue."

Amy stiffened and opened her mouth to retort, but Relena cut her off.  "Miss Amy here says she saw you with Heero and another boy, Duo, in this area a few days ago."

"Oh?  Did she mention she was snooping around, too?" Cassie countered, politeness gone.

"No, she didn't," Relena said carefully.   "But…that's not the point.  Is Heero staying here?"

"I'm not at liberty to say." Cass replied flippantly, examining her fingernails.

Biting back an angry retort, Relena straightened her shoulders and glared.  "Is he here or not?"

"I don't think that's any of your business, **Miss Relena.  I'm sure if he wanted to see you, he would have sent a formal invitation." Cassie said, a nonchalant tone to her voice; as if she didn't care she was insulting the Princess of the Sanq Kingdom.   "So I suggest you get into your little Barbie-limo and head on out.  Don't you have more important things to be doing besides stalking?" **

Relena turned beet red, brows furrowing.  "What right do you have to speak to me that way?!"

Cassie smirked.  "Freedom of speech, dear.  Now run along, before I start getting angry."  She turned to look at Amy, eyes narrowed.  "BOTH of you."

Without waiting for a reply, Cassie bowed her head, took a step back, and slammed the door.  "Hmph.  Stuck up little…" She muttered, rubbing her temples.

She glanced up as Duo stepped into the room, applauding.  "Bravo, bravo!  Encore!"

Quatre followed behind him, shaking his head and chuckling.  "I don't think I've ever heard her talked to like that."  
  


Cassie grinned and pushed away from the door, shrugging.  "If she thinks I'm going to treat her any different from everyone else, she's got another thing coming….let's just hope she doesn't come back." She added, grin disappearing as she glanced over her shoulder at the door.

"I give her two days," Duo muttered.

~~~

"Boooooooooooored." Cassie drawled, idly opening and closing files on her laptop.

After finally finding some clothes, the boys had head off to find ways to entertain themselves, while Cass relocated to the living room with her laptop.  And since all the websites she hadn't saved to her hard drive no longer worked, she couldn't entertain herself with finding new fanfiction.

"I know they're moping," She muttered, shutting the laptop down and putting down next to her.  "Or at least they're as bored as I am…"

She got up and headed into the kitchen, deciding that before she went to distract the boys, a snack was in order.  Heading towards the cupboards, she flung them open—

—and groaned.  "You have GOT to be kidding me!" She exclaimed, glaring at the contents.  

Besides a few assortments of cereal and some of those 10-minute meals, the only thing besides that was a solitary jar of creamy peanut butter.

Slamming the cabinet shut, she quickly did a search of all the other cabinets and the fridge.  

Her search brought up jelly, bread, and an assortment of foods she had never eaten or wouldn't dare trying.

"The gods are against me!" She wailed, stalking out of the kitchen.  "No matter WHERE I go, I am ALWAYS reminded of-of-of that stupid STORY!  Injustice!"

"What are you yelling about?" Wufei grumbled from the stairs, pushing hair out of his face.  He must have just woken up from a nap.

"What have I done to deserve this torture?!"  She continued as if she hadn't heard him.  "…Oh, that's right.  I let my curiosity get the better of me.  AGAIN!"

"Woman!" Wufei yelled, grabbing her arm as she paced by.  "What the hell are you ranting about?"

Cassie stopped and blinked at him, then scowled.  "Peanut butter."  
  


"…you're ranting over peanut butter."  
  


"Yes!  Did I stutter?!"

"We have some if that's why you're ranting," Wufei said calmly, pointing at the kitchen.  "And if you're ranting _because_ we have it, I'm sure there's other food for you to eat."

Cassie glanced at the kitchen as he pointed.  "Can't eat peanut butter," She muttered, barely loud enough for the Chinese pilot to hear.  "Bad experience, bad memories, bad bad bad."

"Bad experience?" Wufei raised an eyebrow.

Cassie gave him a flat look; he wasn't affected.  "Let me put it this way:  I told you about the different types of stories out there, right?  Lemons and such?"  
  
When he nodded, she continued.  "Well, there's also something called 'squick'.  Apparently, a while ago there was a 'squick week' involving a group of fanfiction writers or something, and someone wrote a story involving…" She trailed off, looking slightly nervous.

"Involving…?"

"Trowa and peanut butter [1]."

"What's so bad about that?"

"…I don't think you get it," Cass sighed.  "Squick is meant to…well, squick the reader.  Freak them out.  The story was a lemon, and…think about it."

Wufei raised an eyebrow and looked thoughtful for a moment, until…

"I still don't get it."  
  
Cassie slapped her forehead.  "Wufei, you might want to sit down for this…"  
  
**A very quick explanation later...**

"…I'll never look at peanut butter the same way again." Wufei said quietly, eyes wide and cheeks red; Cass wasn't sure if he was angry or shocked.  Or both.  
  


"See why I was ranting **now**?" Cass said, rubbing her face.  "I can't even eat the stuff without getting flashes of that story in my head!"

Wufei very quietly got up from the couch, headed to the kitchen, and promptly threw out the peanut butter.

Cassie watched him.  "I refuse to take the blame when someone goes looking for it."

"Tell them what you just told me and they'll be thankful it's gone." Wufei countered.

She nodded, then leaned against the couch.  "I'm not grossed out normally, but those…" she shivered.  "I mean, I can understand some foods, but…some of them involve use kitchen utensils!  I mean, even IF it's implied…Wufei, throw out the eggbeater while you're at it."

"The eggbeater?!"

"You.  Treize.  Implied.  Eggbeater."

The eggbeater quickly joined the peanut butter.

**Later that night…**

Duo opened the cabinet, intent on getting a midnight snack, and reached for the jar he had placed there earlier…

"Hey, where did the peanut butter go?!"

[1] This is in reference to a 2x3x2 fic out there that traumatized me beyond no ends (Don't get me wrong, though.  It was written pretty good. ^^;; ).  It can be found on GW Addiction by Jenny & Kimmy.


End file.
